FOREVER exists in moments.
You might be breathing, but that doesn’t mean you are in your experiences, embodying your life. It doesn’t mean you know who you are, what you want and need or what your real values are.
Your whole life stems from what you really know about yourself, and I don’t mean know as is this is the idea I have of myself, I mean know as in you have thought this out, you are connected to it in real life.
My idea of myself at one point in time existed in my head.
I was living in a fantasy of who I was, having no idea that who I thought I was, and who I actually was wasn’t in real alignment.
I had to stop long enough to sit with a pencil and paper and look at the facts. I had to see it on paper.
Most of my needs were unmet, most of my emotional needs where like a solar system away, most of who I thought I was was not even close to how I acted, and all of my values were mismatched.
You ever look at politics and wonder why the government cannot seem to get its shit together and practice what it preaches?
What our government says it values and what it actually values are two radically different things, cause like me at one point the whole world is living in a fantasy of what you think reality is, while what reality actually is has you living in denial.
Do you know what your real values are? Values aren’t just ideals they are anything that feeds your soul.
Do you actually live in alignment with your values?
Do you put work and money above your family, your children, and your own personal and emotional needs?
Do you even know what your wants and needs are or are you waiting for the world or someone to just drop that all in your lap?
When I was tired of living a lie, when I was tired of avoiding myself and taking rumoquin pill, when I was tired of suffering I decided to get honest.
A good friend from adultfrienedfinder told me I should blog. And as I sat there wondering how honest I could get if it went public? I saw the potentiality of exploring my real humanity and this path of conscious life out in the open.
What I didn’t know was I was setting myself up to be brutally integrious with myself.
I guess I really needed that.
In order to stop escaping I accidently became a blogger.
Blogging made me accountable to myself and to my readers.
It’s easy to be one of those writers who projects their ego onto their work and gives you false hope as if they have everything figured out. It’s a lot harder to talk about what is really going on and show people your real process.
Emotions get bypassed in our world all too often in light of this fantasy world everyone thinks is their salvation.
You can only be where you are and avoiding your emotions is a for sure way to not get your needs met and remain stuck.
The fantasy of being something greater than you are so that people will like you more, you’ll get a better job, higher status, or so you won’t have to feel so small is a trap.
It’s okay to feel small. WE ALL FEEL SMALL, even if no one but me is willing to admit it.